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After a break-up - 10 steps to be happy again

Break is not playing . It hurts, it makes you cry and makes you want to sleep through life.
That said, breaking somewhat resembles a mini- hopscotch, with boxes on which we should all stop, left turn to go until we understood. Anger , euphoria, blues : there has going for it is that the girls are all been there . There is better is that it will decrypt all that great speed and move up through the freedom box boards Ahlam Fennou psychotherapist .

1- Step refusal : " He'll be back . "

"I love you , I 'm leaving ." His sentence may well be clear, it slips on like a bucket of water on a waxed canvas. He is tired , overworked , he loses it , it will pass him. Everything goes back to normal . However, he left with three travel bags and he slammed the door. Well, he left his toothbrush (old ) and a book ( he finished reading ), this is a good sign , right?
No. Anyway , it is impossible that you leave . You interpret every gesture , every word in order to convince you that it will come back. "You think the third point at the end of his email means that it is willing to discuss ? " You wait, you believe the break is like accidents only happen to others.
Risk: continue washing clothes for years after his departure, and have the heart that jumps every time the door or the phone rings and if it was him?The opinion of the psychiatrist. Abandonment is the greatest injury of the human being . Break down to all situations of abandonment of the past, the first being the birth. It is for this reason that it is intolerable. The brain filter information , the message does not pass, because the unconscious is not ready to live such a shock .
Reality often ends up back on top as we perceive more or less quickly the rift between what we saw and what we believe would leave .

2 - Step angrily: "You're a dirty cunt, poor shabby."

That's it! The reality is you appeared as a big slap . Ouch . But how dare he insult you at this point ? You zap the crisis and tears you put directly mode hysterics . It has not the right to do that to you . It is a scandal .
So, you no longer have one goal: to hurt him. To seduce or break a man, a single target : below the waist. You throw at it contemptuously : "Anyway , you never made ​​me cum! " Either you attack the extension of his penis : you scratch his car. But not . You have the nerves , everything is a pretext to break or scream. If you listen , you would put easy to hate all men until further notice.

The opinion of the psychiatrist. We are no longer the child king who governs the world by his cries . It is this loss of control that puts us in such a state of rage. Like the child who breaks his toy after howling to get it, can neither possess nor the other manage, so we want to demolish .
Anger is beneficial at first because it helps clear the frustration and to express his emotions. By cons , it must regulate being well aware of its origin. Remember to take advantage of the period following an angry outburst to ask yourself what you really want.

3 - Step harassment : "There is a light in him ... "

Well, he's gone, this time for sure . It absolutely did not seem to have the slightest desire to repoint his nose, even what to discuss . Not a sign of life for days or weeks ... There is no question that you forgot.
He has no right to live " happily ever after " on its side, it is not at all how it ends normally . So you call it twenty times per hour. ? There are not responding? Do not worry , you saturate his answering endless messages. He ignores them ? You are squatting its bearing . He sleeps in a girlfriend ? You follow it right out of the job. You are present at all costs , regardless of the consequences .

The opinion of the psychiatrist. We can not admit that the other escapes us. So we put all his energy to resume . Since we can not have one , the result of this persecution can only be harmful to others and for oneself. We must face the facts that he has the right to have his life outside of us , freedom is a fundamental value , by not complying , we lose our own dignity.

4 - Step denial : "Anyway , this guy was zero. "

There are more than you want? Good, you either, you do want more long . It is not assured , he was distant, not attentive enough , angry . He had all the faults of the world. You wonder how you could take that long. You do not want more of this harmful and ridiculous man . Yes, absolutely , ridiculous : he wore white socks sometimes you have no idea . Luckily finally , because you do not know how to tell him without hurting the poor . This is very much like that. Let him go , and far , for sure, you do not feel like it, the more want to bear .

The opinion of the psychiatrist. It is simply a labor of self-talk to avoid being hurt too . The gap is clogged changing reality. But it was nice to do everything to believe , subconsciously we know very well what to expect. The real shock is exceeded, this is a good sign . You can use this phase to bounce back and move on , if you get there , you will avoid to take the emotional boomerang.

5 - Step withdrawal : " Nobody loves me and no one will love me . Ever. "

What's better than a cocoon when the outside world has been rather threatening to your ego? A nice pajamas , a good sofa, good TV , and the world already seems less hostile. You stay at home, you will no longer work (for what, for whom ?) , You will not go out with your friends. They'll unleash these traitors , they saw nothing coming, so what are they? You sleep, yes, but anytime, and you eat, yes, but anything ...
Or you do not eat or sleep at all. Watching your favorite DVD loop that you know by heart . Sometimes you drink to forget, but you remember everything except what you do immediately after . You consume kilos of tissues , Kleenex and said thank you to you. ? Appreciate your mascara least not serious , you stopped to put .

The opinion of the psychiatrist. Like the exterior is not governed by our desires , we deny its existence , it closes in on itself, there are more outside . This is an egocentric stage needed to find the strength to move on . But beware , do not get lost , you can not stay in this gestation. The best way is to make the outset , a contract with oneself : it fits a defined period , after which it is forced to reopen the world.

6 - Step bargaining : "If I lose 2 pounds, he will return."

Past the big depression, you feel new, changed, and suddenly everything is possible again. And if he had left because of your soft thighs? You put in the sport, it will return the ... Unless it be your 2 extra pounds that have scared away and if you lose, it could réintéresser to you.
Then this integral Zweig he offered you for Christmas, if you read it you will love again .... But how are you not thought of before ? Putting you in action , you'll change your mind. Elementary . Even if he no longer wants to hear from you . Even if he has already met someone else . Hum ... Sure?The opinion of the psychiatrist. This is a positive step , because the other is not an enemy or an obstacle , it becomes a motivation. We do beneficial things for themselves and even if they are related to him , the purpose is good. Gradually, he will realize that the relationship of cause and effect does not make sense and agree to selfishly things for himself.

7 - The false step revival : "It's great to be alone. I do what I want. Alone."

That's it . You are going very well, very well . You are happy to be a wonderfully fulfilling célibattante which does not depend on men. It's great , you go out every night , dance until the morning and no one to blame you , nobody. You are free, then you have a timetable minister, filled with new activities, meet with new friends, you do not have a minute ...
free ( well, well ) . If by chance you find one, you immediately want to put you to learn Chinese , or why not the panpipes ? Orgy occupations , outputs, or men , nothing is too good for your new self . You multiply encounters with small potential friends , even get them on the Internet or to participate in speed dating . It does not look like a bit of compensation, all right?

The opinion of the psychiatrist. This is a time when the vacuum is filled by a disproportionate excitement, where you move all the time to not feel lost. Things are surinvestit to feel exist. We must build on this dynamic imagination focusing on constructive activities , get back to English rather than learning Mandarin for a month and a half.

8 - Step nostalgia : " We spent a good time , anyway ... "

You start to win , but you realize that you are missing . Things are very similar to those of the working girl in love : you call at a time when you are sure to fall on his answering machine , just to hear his voice, you pick up the phone, dial the number, then hang up , you prétextez a run in the neighborhood to go haunt the symbolic places of the relationship: the bench your first kiss, your first movie date ...
You hang out at home with the old t -shirt that he forgot , you come out the old photos, to sort of course, and you stop on his portrait, he still beautiful harmless eyes, that boy. You mount scenarios that could allow you to recontact . Warning , danger : if you croisiez , you would be able to lie down with him and resume a relationship doomed to failure .

The opinion of the psychiatrist. It is primarily a biological phenomenon : the brain goes to what he knows . The experience is more reassuring than novelty. Things for fear it beautifies forward. If there had beautiful moments in the relationship, it is not something to overlook , but it must reverse the trend and use it as a force for progress .

9 - Step understanding : "What happened exactly? "

You have decided to turn the page once and for all , but you still need to understand why this happened . Is this guy was a real cad or is it that you 're wrong ? What is your spaghetti Bolognese is that bad ? All these exciting questions are likely to remain unanswered ...
What is certain is that , if you do nothing, he will take his secret to the grave . Each with its own method of investigation . Some will initiate a self-critical , others want to know what happened to his side questioning his relatives, even if the main contact person is not totally broken.The opinion of the psychiatrist. The search for meaning is a natural and healthy process because without it, we can not move forward. We will never answer to everything, but we must find an acceptable way. If it is not necessary to understand everything , you can not exceed a foolish thing .

10 - Step freedom: "Aaah! It's good to live!"

You find yourself not to think about it for several days. You want to change small things in your life, rather than move the sofa to change job. You change your haircut, buy clothes that would not have liked. You take a taste for small pleasures of life without abuse.
You are more open, and suddenly, you notice the glances you receive every day. Then this beautiful brown library , strange that you did not spot earlier ... You feel light . Of course, you have small nips at heart when you think back to when you were with him , but you really want to switch to something else.The opinion of the psychiatrist. Bravo. There are currently over fixette is finally released . It can now be reinvested on something else, work, friends, or a new relationship.

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